Friday, 27 May 2011


So, developments.

A couple of days ago I received a friendly ultimatum from work: if anyone complains or if it's going to affect my dealings with clients then this has to end. It's quite fair really. It isn't based on anything except a general concern that this might happen as far as I can tell, but it definitely made me a bit wary. I'd hate for this to end through no fault of my own. That would be quite upsetting.

There was a point yesterday; when the ambient temperature in the office was about 24C and I could vaguely smell myself even through freshly laundered clothes; when I did start to get a bit paranoid about it, but I think it should be OK. Today was a cooler and my odour was definitely less obvious. At least I think it was, it's very hard to tell if you're becoming desensitised. Anyway, it's been almost exactly a week now and I seem to be getting away with it. I can't see my smell getting all that much worse.

From now on I think the problem will just be keeping it up, but I actually feel fine about it now. I've got used to the vague stickiness and greasiness that goes along with being unclean and my girlfriend doesn't seem to mind physical contact. She did roll over the other morning and end up with her nose in my armpit which lead to a fairly comic reaction but apart from that it's appears to be fine. No real complaints and only the occasion 'I can smell you from here' from the other side of the living room.

Actually, now that I think about it, she did say she was going to start witholding sex if I don't brush my teeth. There's nothing in the rules about it, so I could but I reckon I she'll forget she said that and she's unlikely to read this to remind her. Probably best to ignore it and see what happens in the spirit of scientific discovery. It's mostly the smell of stale alcohol she was objecting to so as long as I stay fairly sober, or I'm drinking with her, then it should be fine.

I'll keep you posted.

Monday, 23 May 2011


Nothing really to report on the smell front, it's only day three after all. Some pretty good reactions from people though. No one's been surprised, at least not my friends anyway. Like I said, I'm fairly well known for my lack of a normal sense of personal hygiene.

I have only been in my current job for about two months, which might be an issue, but they seemed more dubious than apprehensive when I mentioned it.

Generally the reaction's been a sort of vaguely amused disgust. Already got a couple of  more sensitive friends avoiding physical contact but I'm pretty sure that's down to the principle rather than any kind of real aversion to my present state. That may change.

My girlfriend has started to refer to me as 'Stinky', and she does claim I was unpleasant this morning, but again I reckon this is the result of her knowledge of my cleanliness not its actual effect. Her boss's reaction was pretty good. She's offered my girlfriend £40 if she gives me head on the last of the 40 days. Unfortunately for me it doesn't look like it's going to work.

Really it could go two ways. Either I'm going to start to reek and everyone will notice or, and I think this is probably more likely, I'll not be too noticeable and people will start to forget about it pretty quickly.

Not that I won't smell at all, merely that I don't think it's going to get unbearable, and  I do have some tactics planned. First, and most obvious: clean clothes daily. The real unwashed stench is due to the build up on clothes as much as, and maybe even more than, body. I own quite a lot of shoes so I can keep them on rotation as well, which will help. Second: nudity. My thinking is that if I spend most of my time at home bollock naked and exposed to the air it will mitigate the smell a bit. Even if not then it'll keep me amused. Could be a little awkward if any of my friends decide to drop by unexpectedly though.

Other than that there are a few bits to consider. Shaving for a start. Dry shaving is not fun. I'm not that happy with the idea of wielding blades near my face to start with and even less so when they're unlubricated. Having said that, I'm not the hairiest of people. In fact, at 27, I still can't even nearly grow a full beard. Which, now I think about it, makes the problem worse. If I could grow anything like an actual beard I'd just overcome the problem that way. As it is I have to shave because otherwise I'll end up with ridiculous tufts poking out of my face at odd angles. I do have some hair clippers though, which should keep it short enough without mangling my face too much.

Even if I'm not forced to be celibate then too much sex could be a fairly bad idea. And that goes for masturbation too. Fun inside my pants will definitely turn into not-so-fun inside my pants pretty quickly if I can't wash what's inside my pants.

I'm sure there are more things I could say but I'm bored now. Another time.

Sunday, 22 May 2011


So, the nice people at Guerrilla Science are running a competition (  to see if anyone can go forty days without washing.

I can.

One of the conditions is that you have to tweet daily about the experience and, despite my extreme distaste for twitter, this I will be doing. But there are certain things that can't be said in 140 characters and I'm doing this because I'm curious to see what happens, so I think it's something that will be interesting to document properly.

The rules state that I can wash my hands to maintain some kind of semblance of basic hygiene. Other than that, no washing. The rules say nothing about oral hygiene but, as I aim to do this properly, I will not be brushing my teeth either. At this point I should mention that we celebrated mine and a friend's birthdays yesterday with an A-Z pub crawl of Brighton and my mouth tastes like arse.

There are a number of things that have to be considered before you can allow yourself to commit to something as stupid as this. I told everyone I work with, or at least those I work within a two metre radius of. I asked my girlfriend nicely if she would allow me to do this, the upshot of which is that I'm probably going to be celibate for most of the time but I'm allowed to share a bed with her. That's good, the sex I will work on. Most importantly though, is whether can you deal with your own stench. I'm  soap dodger by nature, I'll easily go without washing for two weeks without really noticing, but this is going to be through the height of summer and two weeks is one thing, six another. We will see.

Probably the biggest problem will be that the fact it is a competition will be a continuous reminder of what I am doing or, more precisely, not doing. It's day two and I'm already getting nostalgic about hot water.

More updates when I can be bothered.